please love me now before i become disappointing

common tests dawn upon us tomorrow, and i only have myself to blame for not taking a little more time, not starting earlier and not being fully prepared for them. but it's okay, all i can do is go over stuff before papers and do whatever i can in the exam hall. that should be enough and i dont expect anything spectacular. cant stand it when people who mug like they live and breathe academics go around exclaiming they're going to fail they're going to fail. imagine, those are the people who study so many hours a day every day. so those are the ones getting fail marks, then what about people who REALLY only put in an average amount of effort in revision? hoho, amusing people i'm lumped with in this school. i think, though, that i should pick up a little more of these habits. what is it they say, when in rome, do as the romans do?

yet the dreaded CTs aren't what's bugging me now.

how come people often only realise that something means so damned much to them when it slips away?

for those who know, keep him in your prayers tonight. at the same time remember also the happiness and safety of the ones around you, those whom you love and keep close to your heart. afterall, regret is a feeling you cant undo.

at the thought (merely a thought) that it could have been someone else, it could have been you. that is one of the most impactful feelings in the world. the relief that it could have been worse but it wasnt. thankfulness, yet fear.

in answer, maybe i'd faint on the spot, maybe i'd have a psychological/emotional breakdown, maybe i'd go mad, maybe i'd sink into rapid denial, knowing and knowing but not wanting to believe. i certainly am not sure what wld happen to me physically, but i suppose the apt expression would be - it'd kill me. yea i wouldnt be able to take it.