And I wish I could free you;
from the hurt and the pain

I can't believe I'm still crying as I type this.

If there was one word I had to choose for what I feel now, it's "defeated". From Daryl's blog, I'm also still trapped in the chasms of phase 2 and 3.

I really don't know what to say. To the people who got in, if i've said my congrats you're probably the ones i approve of. To the ones who didn't, the ones i care about anyway, I guess I don't have to say anything. You guys understand. Daryl, Jasper, Angel, Zhiyang. Your company today was worth all the precious stones in the world to me. Thank you. The All-Rafflesian Rejects, they can talk to our elbows cos' they're not worth the stretch.

Teared a lot.

Not even 3 full months into RJ yet, and already i've let my guard down and broken down in front of people. So much for being strong in RJ and getting a new start, Rachel. When will you stop letting people down?

Sometimes I hate the fact that my emotions are so blatantly displayed in my expressions. Zhongning said I looked very pale today, asked if I cried. Jerome says it tells everyone who cares that I need help, and that me being who i am, they'd want far more to help and make me happy than to have me mask everything inside cos it doesnt help anyone that way. He's been talking to me, and to Jerome, it really means a lot to me. Especially coming from someone whom I never knew would bother so much and spend so much time for me. Thank you. And yes, you know in all our hearts 7A-originals will always always be the most close-knit class. <3

Times when all i want is someone to hold me and just let me cry. I don't feel safe. Like everywhere around me is too open, too vast. Emotionally exposed. I don't like people seeing me weak.

Jerome: "You can't really spend 3 months with you without caring somewhat. Fun-ish people are like that."

I miss my 7A... If it were the original class I would have cried in the classroom without any qualms. Now I have to mask everything. When Mark came to sit with me yesterday I couldn't help breaking down all over again. I just felt like such a loser in front of him. Like I wasn't meeting up to something, but it wasn't anything in particular. I miss you, Mark, Mel, Aprilia, Tiffany, Jerome.



And I missed you like hell, when I searched my heart for the one i wanted to be there for me the most..